A STORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CONTINUED

A STORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CONTINUED

None of the *names are real and I've recounted the stories as clearly as I can remember. This is a true story.

All pictures are for illustration purposes only and no actual photographs of people are depicted in this post.

SUSAN AND ROSELLA
*Susan came into the Domestic Violence Shelter after years of physical and mental abuse.  On one occasion her husband dropped her off in the middle of the desert leaving her there for a number of hours in the heat of the day with no water or food to wonder if he'd ever return.  Her breaking point came when he bashed her knee in with a baseball bat.  (Once in the shelter Social services paid for her injuries as well as extensive dental work.)

Susan had 3 children who came into the shelter with her, one about 8 years old, a 12 year old, and her seventeen year old son.

Susan soon befriended *Rosella, a 38 year old who had been in the shelter once before.  Rosella had one or two children that were already on their own having been raised by a relative somewhere in the Midwest.  (Rosella admitted to having drug/alcohol problems for most of her life  but was not using or drinking while in the shelter.)  After a couple of weeks Susan and Rosella decided that they no longer wanted to work the program and moved into a small apartment.

Clients staying at the shelter are free to come and go so they often run into each other since this is not a large town and mainly the girls find jobs at the casinos so staff is pretty much "in on" the latest gossip (LOL).

It appears that having freed themselves from their abusive situations and free from rules of the shelter, there was much fun and partying going on at Rosella and Susan's. 

When I returned to Arizona in the fall I found out that Rosella was pregnant with Susan's 18 year old son's child and wanted to return to the shelter. I believe she was denied since she was no longer in a domestic violence situation but was simply looking for a FREE place to live.


Thirty years ago had someone told me this story I would have chalked it up to someone telling me a big whopper of a tale but after years of being involved in a variety of volunteer positions as well as job related experiences this is not an unusual story at all.


DRUGS/ ALCOHOL AND DV
"For women who abuse drugs or alcohol, the risk may be even higher for experiencing domestic violence because the substance can impair her ability to make a decision to leave during an episode or to seek help. It is estimated that 85 percent of domestic abuse victims are women."   http://www.addictiontreatmentmagazine.com/addiction-news/addiction-crime/substance-abuse-and-domestic-violence-seem-closely-connected/

"Prescription drugs are prescribed for victims by their physicians for depression when in fact they are victims of domestic violence and their depression is due to ongoing violence in the relationship. Many victims of violence self-medicate by using illegal drugs. The facts are the stress of an abusive relationship increases women's risk of depression, suicide and substance abuse." 

Many sites related to Domestic Violence directed at women that I've visited state that women may turn to drugs and alcohol to help them deal somehow with abuse.

And this may be true, however many of these women have abused drugs and alcohol before entering into an abusive relationship.  It is also their drug/alcohol use that has left them with poor judgement when entering into a relationship.

Although there are always exceptions to anything, I have found that working with individuals that seem to constantly find themselves in what is called "bad situations" are there because of the choices they have made but many of these individuals will be quick to tell you that someone else is to blame for their plight.

Much of the attitude is also that they EXPECT to be helped through entitlement programs.  There is little thought of being appreciative but instead, "It's there and it FREE so let's just get all we can get".   I don't believe they for one moment realize that FREE to them means that some other person had to pay........and in many instances they wouldn't really care.

This  may sound like harsh statements but talk with anyone who has worked in the field of social services for any length of time and they will more than likely tell you the same.

"VICTIM" ATTITUDES AND "blame" orientations are two of the greatest inhibitors of both personal and organizational success.
 

I've known individuals who have gone through some very sad and bad childhood experiences. Parental abandonment, death of parents, mental abuse, physical abuse, and/or sexual abuse. And although these individuals have deep rooted scars they did not turn to drugs and alcohol or prostitution, they did not abuse or abandon their own children but have used their personal experiences to make a positive difference in other people's lives. I feel it's always a matter of choice. Making mistakes throughout life is part of who we are going to become at the end of the road. Make the mistake, ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITY, learn, move on, and try to do better. But making the same mistakes over and over and never accepting responsibility can leave one stuck in those "bad situations" indefinitely.

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Next week...........Garden Pictures!